Filed under: Encounters | Tags: Encounters, Life, People, Thoughts & Reflections
Sitting on a bench at the National Theatre, with an unexpected hour of “freedom” before meeting a friend for dinner. Oh bliss! An hour that I hadn´t planned for anything. I sit and just watch the people walk by, listen to the accordion of a street musician in the background. I pull out my notebook to write or draw. After I´ve been sitting there writing for some time, a guy approaches me with a question. “Hi, could I ask you to recommend a restaurant near by?” I have to think about it for a minute, and then I suggest the chinese restaurant “Dinner”, which is right behind the Theatre. It all still seems quite normal, but then he continues asking me all sorts of questions about the menu, what dish I´ve tried there, if they have sushi, if I could recommend a special dish, what the address is, how long it would take to walk, how long it´s been since I´ve been there and it just went on and on. As it started to get a bit awkward, he finally ended the conversation by thanking me politely for the tip. He walked off, but then turned around and added: “Nice smile by the way!” Surprized and smiling I replied ” ehm…thanks!”. It was such a nice innocent compliment. A few seconds later I noticed that a second guy had been standing close by, observing the conversation. As the guy who approached me walked off, he followed, and they walked on in quite a different direction than towards the restaurant I had recommended. I was confused.
Suddenly, I remembered two similar experiences I had about eight years ago. I was working in a store in the evenings while I was studying. One evening a guy walked up to the counter, and asked me if he could introduce himself. It was a bit awkward. I was thinking either you introduce yourself or you don´t, people rarely ask for permission in advance. Anyway, I listened to his very slow introduction, which seemed to recuire a lot of concentration and effort. He was breathing quite intensely through the whole thing, which made the introduction even more strange. After he finished I returned the favor, though in a speeded version. He thanked me and walked off, leaving me a bit puzzled. This guy also had a companion following him seconds after he left the store. They seemed to be discussing the “performance”. “Weird” I thought, and forgot about it, until a few weeks later: A guy walkes up to the counter again, “Hi I´m from the Association of Stutterers and would like to introduce myself to you, this is my supporter (the guy standing in the back)”.
They were out practicing approaching strangers to overcome fear. Striking up a conversation with a girl they don´t know is understandably a tough challenge. I read somewhere that there are actually three times as many men who suffer from stuttering than women. There is no certainty about what causes the condition, but most probably it has to do with psychological matters or is inherited.
I have been told a number of times that I can look quite unapproachable, which is not a concious choice, but an involuntary signal I guess. Therefor I salute the bravery of the guys approaching this unapproachable face!
So if you get approached like this, don´t get alarmed, and be nice! It could be some guy fighting the very limiting problem of stuttering!
I think this encounter should be a reminder of the fact that facing your fears, very often is the only way to achieve your goals and your dreams.
Filed under: Thoughts & Reflections | Tags: Bubbles, Life, Thoughts & Reflections
People often say, ” I tried to step out of my bubble, to see…”. By that, I think they mean that they tried to see things in a different perspective. “Think outside the box”, oh, don´t you hate those expressions. I have a friend who used to say ” Step out of my bubble!”, when people got to close physically, which is a whole different situation though, but illustrates how the bubble can be present in the physical world as well. People try to step out of their bubble to see things more clearly i think, because they are aware of their ignorance.
- Can we really ever step out of our bubble?
I think we can put a lot of stuff into the bubble, and take some out of it, but I am quite uncertain about if we can ever step out of it. The bubble in this chain of thoughts is our life, our history, everything that has happened to us, every influence in our lives, everything we are putting our minds to. We have that basic content, that is mainly based on our history. Who we are is a result of our past experiences, our beliefs and surroundings. Of course we are evolving constantly, and we are changing the way we think and act over time, but I think that it is not a result of having been ouside our bubble, but a result of putting new stuff into it.
When we experience something new and very different from our usual existence, like going to a country far away, where people are living in a “different world”, we can get the feeling that we are stepping out, because there is no past reference. We can get an urge to do something we never thought we´d do, it can change our view on the world, on our selves. We get inspired and flood our bubble with new stuff, and think that we have squeezed out the old rubbish that was there. 
I think what ever you experience, unfortunately it will always be from within your bubble, and not standing next to it or leaving it at home. There is no escape. Everything inside your bubble will be a filter that marks the new experience, and makes it unique. No one will have exactly the same experience, but the people with bubbles filled in a similar way, will have one quite close to it. We recognize our fellow bubbles in a matter of minutes. They make us feel safe, they are our tribe.
Conclusion: There is no such thing as stepping out of the bubble, only adding stuff to it or throwing stuff out of it. Actually, even if you throw something out, it does not mean that it is completely gone. The shadows of discarded stuff linger forever in the bubble. Sometimes when they block the sun a little, you get reminded of their past presence. Imagine if we were able to “break in” to someones bubble, someone not in our tribe, and experience the world perceived through a different filter than our own. I think it would be as mind blowing as going to outer space.
Filed under: Encounters, Thoughts & Reflections | Tags: Anger, Encounters, Energy, Life, Lines, People
There is a lot in life and in the world that is a reason for being angry, upset, annoyed, sad and frustrated. Too much. The list of big issues concerning all the injustice happening in the world is endless. Necessarily people like you and me, who were in luck being born having everything, have to be emotionally unaffected by all the world misery, in our every day life. Fortunately some devote their lives to a cause, and make a difference, but most people live in their own little (caramel)bubble, containing the trivial bits and pieces of their lives. Because people, including myself of course, are more concerned about all the small upsetting, annoying, sad and frustrating “issues” and events in life. Those are the ones that really make us angry. Like bumping your car, being late for an important meeting, spilling tomato sauce all over the carpet, someone being rude, getting a fine (700NOK) because you forgot to pull the ticket giving you 2 hours free parking, missing a plane, national politics… All though no argument would be valid if one could answer every complaint with “think about how the the poor children in Africa feel”, I try to remind myself to choose my battles. It is about energy, and where to put it. An incident at the airport in France, reminded me this time:
Norwegian was going to open three counters for the check in to Oslo. My friend and I arrived at the airport almost three hours before departure, which meant that the counters were not open yet. We decided to sit down and read nearby. Suddenly after one hour, we realized that there had been building up quite a line in front of the middle counter while we were not looking. The line stretched through half the terminal already when we looked up from our books. There was really no point in getting up to stand at the end of it. My friend went to the shop for a few minutes, and while she was away I noticed now there was a small line in front of the left counter. I looked at the endless long line in the middle, and at the norwegians standing there like sheep, no one daring to leave the herd and spread out to the other counters that were open. Since there was no rope put up that would force people in to one line, I would guess it was not intended that way either. So I made a quick, daring decision to go for the short left line. I picked up my stuff, and my friends stuff, and placed everything behind the three or four people standing in that line. I could already feel the eyes burning in my back. After a few minutes I heard some whispering next to me.
A man cleared his throat and said with what must have been his angriest voice: ” You are aware that the line ends way back there?!!” I turned around slowly, pulling my strength together and smiled politely: “Well, but there ARE three counters, so why stand in one line?”. Angry man: ” Because it is more efficient to stand in one line and spread to the other counters from there, haven´t you been to Gardermoen???!!! Me: I´m sorry, I´ve never been to Gardermoen (being ironic of course), but maybe there is another system here in France, I mean, maybe Norway isn´t the template?” His face was turning more and more tomato like, and he could not stop himself from shouting at me. “Oh wow, this seems to be very important to you”, I heard my self say, this time not as polite. Now the women around him started interfering, you know the kind of women in their 40´s with the really short hair and tight lips. They started lecturing me about “køkultur” (how to behave in lines), which I discovered through a quick google has 31,100 hits. That states the importance of this issue for the norwegians. In this case it was not about the actual consequence of them having to wait much longer to arrive at the counter, as they were already very close, it was the principle of something being unfair and undeserved. I turned my back to them to try to end the confrontation, because I could´t see a reason for capitulating now and go to the back of the middle line, when I had already been hit with all that anger. After a while my friend comes back. Unaware of the uncomfortable conversation that had just found place, she utters with a big smile and a much too happy tone in her voice: “Oh! How neat! You found us a second line! How clever! Wonderful! This will be really quick! Great! Soon after, some sheep from the middle line followed us, the two (black)sheep, quietly to the new left line…
My point is not that the Angry Man and the Tight Lip Women were wrong. It was really just a matter of interpretation on how things should work, and people cutting the line are a little annoying I know. I was just so amazed by the importance it held to them to communicate this anger and view on the situation. Their urge to right this terrible wrong that was happening, and prevent me from getting any kind of advantage. All the energy they just pored out on something so insignificant, and the energy they pulled out of me by throwing all that anger at me. Wasted, it changed nothing, besides leaving everyone with less energy. Yes, I must remind my self more often.
